THIS ISN’T ME

Monday, 3 January 2011

I spent most of my life, up until the age of 26, thinking I was fat. It wasn’t until I had my first child and weighed an extra 10kg that I realised I actually had never been fat. And then after having my second child, I realised I wasn’t even fat after having my first child. I always did feel confident, despite thinking I was a fatty, and as I look back at the photos of me before becoming pregnant with my second child I long for my confidence to return, I long for the full belief I used to have – that I am beautiful.

So I went on a search to find that confidence again. I tried telling
myself ‘Look, you are now a big girl. Just deal with it. You’re still
beautiful. You just need to re-adjust your wardrobe’ etc. etc. I would
look in the mirror and try to love what I saw.

But it just didn’t happen.
I no longer believe I am beautiful.

I weigh about 22kg heavier than before having children. These days I look in the mirror and am not happy with what I see. Shopping for clothes (which I LOVE) has become depressing and I have become embarrassed to show my body in front of my husband.

What really bothers me?

THIS ISN’T ME.

If I could look at myself in the mirror and in photos and see myself as beautiful at this weight and body shape, I would be happy. But the truth is, I know that I am unhealthy and I do not like what I see so I DO need to do something about it.

I realised I need to take control and be aware of what I eat. For me it means not letting myself get so hungry that I have to desperately reach for the cookies and the chocolate because I’ve left it too late to prepare something healthy. It means expanding my cooking repertoire so that I have more healthy options at my fingertips. It means taking the time to exercise as often as possible – even if it means the children join me. And mostly, it means making the right choices.

And when I realised this is what needed to happen I asked my husband ‘Just how do I go about this? Do I go hardcore? What if that leads me to fail? But if I’m lax that might also enable me to make excuses. What do I do?’.  He replied ‘I don’t know’. I needed structure and guidance. Like many people, my life benefits greatly from good structure.

Then I discovered Weight Watchers! Just the structure and guidance I need! I believe Weight Watchers will teach me to make the right choices. It will teach me healthy, positive eating habits that will benefit my life enormously for years to come.

So here I am. Day One. Taking the first step to rediscovering me. I am fully confident that I am on the road to success and to rediscovering me…

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